I am new to San Francisco and like a jilted lover, I am finding it hard to leave behind and forget about the pace, overall awesomeness, cut throat attitudes, and general kick-ass vibes of being a 7.5 New York City resident. Or Christ, I can say it - a New Yorker (after all, I earned that description). So I am trying to cope.
No, really.
I've already been to Napa for a weekend, which was lovely. I've gone to almost every cool restaurant in San Francisco via Yelp. I've sampled my fair share of beer, whiskey, and wine. I love Bi-Rite market. I've checked-in every day on Foursquare to my work's office. I've started my mornings eating granola. I've ended nights with a vegan Rosamunde sausage. I've tried my best not to puke while admiring yet another North Face jacket. I'm not 100% sold on this city, but hell, it's not a bad city to be in when compared to others so perhaps I should stop complaining.
But then... then... I run into Mission Mustache (put on by the California League of Adult Scavenger Hunters) and try not to wince as I hear people stating that they're going to participate in events where "10 teams of late 20 to early 30-somethings will descend on the Mission in fake mustaches, following clues and racing to earn the most points by drawing mustaches on walls, urinating on mustached portraits in alleys, and striking up mustache-related conversations with strangers."
Perhaps the latter statement of that quote is cool, but the rest... what an amateur hour. We don't hold events like this in NYC. We hold events like a Beard Ball and we fork over a chunk of change to a cool, local non-profit or The Coney Island Beard & Mustache Competition or The NYC Beard & Mustache Competition vs. "trying to pee on Ghandi" for a set number of competitive points.
Check out this passage from The Mission Local blog: "Hipsters with real mustaches stare as the green team chugs pints of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the 500 Club, and people walking up Guerrero stop in their tracks when they come across a 15-person human mustache pyramid on the sidewalk. The last clue calls for the team to shotgun cans of PBR. They set up on the steps of someone’s apartment, where they shotgun and spew, and then toss their empty cans against the building."
Stay classy, San Francisco.
But I shouldn't judge the beard/stache scene here solely on this article alone or this group. After all, World Champion Jack Passion calls this city his home... so there is some big-time legitimacy for facial hair enthusiasts.
Perhaps this is my call-to-action. Perhaps what San Francisco needs is a NYer to throw an organized event and raise money for a local charity while supporting those who truly love their beards and mustaches -- grow them out of dedication and desire -- vs. trying to style a stranger's stache in order to win a 6-pack of PBR.
It's time. I'll be in touch with solid plans for a 2012 gala, but let's not also forget about local Movember efforts. And in the meantime, keep your dicks in your pants and stop pissing in the Mission for the "cause" of mustaches.