beard

Michael Buchino of Beard Revue Speaks!

I promised that I would dive into HD vlogging, so... here's one of the videos that were made this weekend by yours truly at the first ever National Beard and Moustache Championships in Bend, Oregon... Please forgive the unsteady hand (one of the many reasons I don't shave) and the up-close and personal style...

I've been a fan of Michael Buchino, and his blog Beard Revue, at least since meeting him at the B3 (B-a-B founders, Mr. Buchino, and Bearduary founders) conference in February... Not that it's an excuse of the shaking/zoom issues but continuing the swagger of our first meeting in NYC, the beer was also flowing at Les Schwab Amphitheater pretty heavily by this point in the competition (Freestyle, my, category was last)... so be glad I got something coherent.

I guess, given the above set up it's clear Michael is a man that definitely needs an introduction... but in reality... if you are reading our blog, you really should know who he is and read his as well... we walk in his footsteps.

The Winners of The National Beard and Mustache Championships!

Well, clearly i was robbed...

Seriously though, this experience of mine today has been nothing short of amazing. There was a Guinness record broken, some great beer, B-a-B fans left and right... and so so much more.

I'm on my way to the after-party but wanted to make sure to write up this quick post and show you all the winners of all the categories in today's inaugural National Beard and Mustache Championships. So that you too can join B-a-B in congratulating them for their hairy feat… this is something to look up to, admire, envy, and perhaps upchuck from (some guys can really do use some manscaping).

Either way, join me in congratulating the top 3 of each category… more about my weekend in Bend later...

Grooming 101, via Toot Joslin

So, I’m here and my envy is at about a 12 on a scale of 1-10... sure i've seen some massive beards and beardos in my tenure at B-a-B but the effect of seeing them in person delivers a knockout punch to my already fragile psyche.

That being said, everyone has been the nicest people ever, and welcoming at that. The town is great, the people are better, the beards are longer, and the mustaches are curlier.

To kick off the June 5th festivities, I joined a bunch of hairy folks for a much needed Beard styling seminar by the one and only partial beard champ himself, Toot Joslin at the Bond Street Barber Shop in downtown Bend.

Below are three videos that resulted from this enlightening session (apologies that it's indeed HD quality, so it'll take a while to load...). The first is a brief look at Toot, his personal and facial hair history… plus some focus on the products he uses. That is followed by a full styling video and finally a brief Q&A.

I gotta tell you all… one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever observed… now to just grow out my burns to match Toot’s awesomeness.

Bend Bound (Ch. 1)

 

So, the day I depart for National Beard and Moustache Championships is coming near (as in tomorrow)... and frankly the emotions are running wild in the offices of B-a-B. I've been bouncing off the walls pulling on my chin frantically, while Riss was away on her top secret beard scouting mission to Ireland.

Then arrived the "Competitor Badge" (it's a badge right? where's the plastic sleeve? i'm gonna laminate it...) and i immediately felt at ease. Besides, whom am I if not the #proveit king?!

Facing my fate in the face, I've been honing my furry skills and aiming for the stars since Magnificent Specimens when I realized I absolutely must come to Bend, Oregon. This corporate beardo is ready to accept the challenge, take a weekend multi-stop air travel and turn it into gold via one nugget of awesomeness... Saturday, June 5th.

On Saturday June 5th I will join quite possibly a Guinness World Record number of beardos, at the Les Schwab Amphitheater in what is shaping up to be one of the most exciting days of my life... my expectations are realistic and thus low. But with my support crowd behind me (I'm bringing a few of my own, to tip the scales) I'm sure to come away with more than just another day's worth of beard growth.

Before heading out wanted to give a quick shout out to Jon Rice, The South Florida Man with high hopes and mad exhale moves; From Beard to There own Brian Quein; and Mr. America's Beard himself, John Benedict... get in touch I wanna talk beards and stuff, mostly talk beards though.

And speaking of talking beards, I look forward to reconnecting and swilling some beer with our good friend Michael Buchino of BeardRevue. A great man to know and grow chin manes with... And a fine example of a good thickness corporate beard, if I may say so myself.

So, as you can see the plan's pretty set and mimics any other corporate business east coast/west coast/east coast in 48 hours trek... only quite a bit hairier... Mine is a Corporate Beard, I'm competing in the freestyle category... what are you going as? Are you going? Wana meet up? Send us emails, ping us @buildabeard, message us on B-a-B... or stalk away, it's a small town anyway... I'm staying at the Phoenix Inn along with Mr. Jack Passion and many many many other great beardos...

THE SCHEDULE FOR SATURDAY, JUNE 5TH
(I'll try to make all of this)

10 a.m. Beard styling seminar by Toot Joslin. Bond Street Barber Shop, 841 NW Bond St., Bend.
12 noon Press conference at the Oxford Hotel, 10 NW Minnesota Ave., Bend. Everyone welcome.
1 p.m. – Doors open at Les Schwab Amphitheater. Contestants should meet at the Oxford Hotel for procession to the Les Schwab Amphitheater.
1:50 p.m. – All contestants assemble at the back of the amphitheater for grand entrance.

2 p.m. – Round 1: Welcome and Elimination
Grand entrance of the competitors, welcoming remarks, introduction of the judges, and first round of judging. Les Schwab Amphitheater.

– Moustache judging
– Partial beard judging
– Full beard judging
– Freestyle judging
– Bearded family portrait
– Entertainment by El Loco

7 pm – Round 2: Finals
Final judging and presentation of awards.

8:30 pm – Live music with El Loco. Night glow balloon launch.

America, Your Beard Is Here!

This is amazing, so amazing in fact we are a bit speechless... so we wont go into describing the below video...

John... Thank you  for your heartfelt plea and offer of inspiration for all those that are beardless, smiles for all of us that are... and entertainment for everyone. (and for Beard Team USA for finding you)

Everyone should send in their votes, and you know... We'd like to keep you out of the Freestyle category (for clear reasons)... but fate is fate, so if you meet El Beardo at the squared ring bearded circle at Bend... we'll rumble together.

However, we vote for Natural Beard category for your beard... El Beardo would've loved to enter that category, alas, the mass is just not there for us... but not for you, John. Godspeed!

The way to vote:

Tweet with #AmericasBeard tag

DM John at @AmericasBeard

Or leave a comment on americasbeard.posterous.com

 

BREAKING NEWS: JP Out of Retirement?

Jack Passion entering a beard contest?! No... way...

Well, yes way. You heard it here first (3rd actually, counting Jack's and our earlier Facebook status updates)... all you competitive beardo enthusiasts, you may as well pack your bags now... to go to SAN FRANCISCO of course!

WHEN: TONIGHT (6/27), at 6-10PM PST ($5 at the door)

WHERE: Edinburgh Castle (950 GEARY ST., SAN FRANCISCO, 415.885.4074)

WHAT: "Art in Your Face": A Bay Area Beard and Mustache Benefit (aka Jack Passion's return to competitive bearding... for now)

WHY: Beards and Charity (to benefit Smile Train, a group that helps kids with cleft palates)... and to see Jack wipe the floor (and the competition) with his killer beard.

More info on this awesome event, the beardos behind it, and this important charity, check out this interview with event organizer Brian McGregor by SF Bay Guardian recently.

It may not be the National Championships... nor the World stage... but wherever Jack goes... the beards follow. As such, B-a-B will stay with the story, and keep you updated about the winner... though, I am wondering, maybe I can snag the B-a-B private plane to make it in time to report live... maybe, just maybe...

The Simpsons Do Competitive Bearding

As you saw here first... well, not here, but on our Tumblr page... and technically not on there either, because you saw it on TV first last night.

Either way, for your general monday blues fix, here's the FULL episode of yesterday's The Simpsons where at one point Moe is asked to judge an outrageous beard contest... this is a good sign for my chances heading into the National Championships in Bend, Oregon on June 5th. If Moe can be a judge, then I can be a winner!

P.S. Yes, we think this means we -- the beardo nation collectively -- have made it... now, let's stay on top, Go Beard or Go Home!

10Qs with (Magnificent SpeciMAN) Dave Mead

By now you've seen the coverage of B-a-B's mingling with Dave Mead's Magnificent Specimens at the launch party of the exhibit... and it was a wild one... perhaps better than our Beard Ball in Brooklyn earlier this year. Of note, I think our event had more IRL beardos, while Dave had more pinned up and framed... and of course, the integral missing part from the exhibit that was glowingly present at our ball was Riss' presence... she was out of town and was unable to make it.

That said, when El Beardo first met Dave (regardless of how drunk he claims to have been) the chemistry was undeniable... here was Dave, a shaved bald ('chromed' as he put it) with a the tiniest of stubble's on his chin... we HAD to interview him about the dichotomy and juxtaposition of such magnitudes.

And we did... below is the hazy recollection of our meeting and the questions and answers that resulted... consider yourself present... or at least as present as I recall myself to be post the beer, booze n'beardo combos. Regardless, you still have about 50 days to visit the exhibit, and you really should... maybe even get a framed copy of your favorite for that special someone.

#1) Wow, what a launch party for Magnificent Specimens! Do you still have a headache like me? Tell us about all those involved, sponsors, partners, the bands (who was the electric cello instrumental guy?), and any other folks that helped you make it come to life.

Yeah, that was a doozie, eh?  Not sure whether to thank or curse Brooklyn Brewery and Tuthilltown Spirits for the copious amounts of free beer and whiskey.  Ok, actually, they both deserve a kiss on the lips.  As does Sweet Leaf Tea. Plus, The Jordans and Sean Grissom (cello) for providing the tunes.  But enough about our throwdown.  We should talk about those who made this whole exhibit possible.  Michael Ginsberg of Chelsea Market, James Moody of Guerilla Suit, Christian Helms of the Decoder Ring, Clay Crenshaw of Clay Crenshaw Design and Brian Jordan of, well, Brooklyn.  Jordan was the man who introduced my work to Ginsberg many months ago.  So, I guess Brian is the "Chuck Woolery" of it all.  I should also mention my assistant, Matt Ellis – a one-man wrecking crew.  Oh, and my wife, Bonnie Markel.  She supported me the whole way on this thing.

#2) Speaking of personal, let’s start with some "Dave" info… What are some other major photographic feats you’ve had in your career? Was it all leading up to Alaska?

Let's see. Feats? Not sure I have any other feats.  I have photographed Deion Sanders in his pajamas.  Is that a feat? Or just kinda gross?

#3) You said that you used to have ‘some killer beards’ before you went ‘chrome’ can you #proveit? Why/when did you shave and will you ever grow it back?

Did I say that? Sorry. I was drunk. No, really, I’ve had some gnarly beards over the past ten or fifteen years but I’ve noticed the longer my beard gets, the less face time I get with my wife. That and I didn't want to steal any thunder from my subjects.  It's all about them, right? No, wait. It's all about me.  Have you mentioned that I’m for hire?

#4) Hm... so no proof, I see... Anyway, nearly all of the Magnificent Specimens shots seem to have some of the best facial expressions we have ever seen… how’d you manage that? Was the bald head/shaved chin key in generating these juxtaposed reactions?

A) With the reflection from my dome, they didn't know where to look. And that allowed me to capture a distant/confused gaze from my subjects. 2) I fed them Benadryl…

#5) Tell us about Alaska… was it totally awesome? What was the most impressive and out of the ordinary thing to happen or that you saw while on the ground at the World Beard and Mustache Championships?

I didn't see the World Beard & Mustache Championships. For real. I was holed up in a conference room on the 2nd floor doing portraits. Didn't see one bit of the contest. Who won?

#6) The national championships are around the corner… give us your best pitch based on your Alaska experience on why everyone who’s anyone in the world of bearding should attend.

Because Jack Passion is going to be vacationing in the Bahamas. (B-a-B note: Jack will actually be MCing the championship)

#7) True enough... What was your favorite photo shoot and resulting image from magnificent Specimens?

Oh, man. Too many from which to choose. Shot 130 portraits, 54 of which are hanging at Chelsea Market.  If you're going to make me pick one, I’ll say, Toot, the scared marshal. So much comedy in that shot.  Not the guy I want protecting my town.

#8) What is YOUR favorite facial hair style, you’ve surely seen your fair share of amazing chin manes, groomed follicles and elongated staches… is one better than the other?

Not sure I have a favorite but I’m most intrigued by the long mustache. What does that look like fresh out of the shower? What do you do with it when you have to bolt from the house in an instant? Can't be pretty.

#9) We hear you, a wet noodle isn't the sexiest thing on earth... So, what’s next for Dave Mead? Any cool projects you want to alert us to? Any more open bar launches we can attend?

No projects on the horizon. Just checking my mailbox for a letter from Ed McMahon. Wait. Is he dead? Then who's handing out all the free money these days?

#10) Finally, how’d my beard look to you at the exhibit… am I a Magnificent SpeciMAN?

Did we meet?  Man, I was drunk…

To help you, Dave, and everyone else, remember the exhibit... we compiled the amazingly hairy feat into the highlights in the below shots... Check it out.

Party with Kevin Gillespie's Beard

On Wednesday, June 2nd, Atlanta's Woodfire Grill chef and "Top Chef" breakout star Kevin Gillespie's beard and its Facebook fans will be thrown an exclusive party at the W Hotel's Living Room in Midtown.  

According to Atlanta Magazine, the soirée was inspired by the goofy Facebook page, "Fans of Kevin Gillespie's Beard" created by Atlantans Krista Miller and (Dr.) Zachary Smith last year as Gillespie shot to national fame on the hit Bravo reality show.

Rumor has it that the co-founders do not speak to each other any more (don't worry, El Beardo, nothing will ever tear us apart), but this event - the celebration of the beard - is reuniting them.  Nothing like putting past issues aside for the sake of follicles.  

B-a-B sat down with the oh-so-charming Dr. Zachary Smith, who graciously offered the following tid bits of additional information to us.  
And perhaps the good Dr. will even be so kind as to post this feature on his Facebook fan page wall.... *ahem* *cough* *cough*

Will you attend the party?  Did the beard contact you directly?
Dr. Z: Yes, I will attend.  But no, the beard doesn't contact anyone directly.  It speaks through prophets, like God in biblical times.  

Will you be sporting a beard?  
Dr. Z.: Yes, I will be sporting a beard inasmuch as any pathetic attempt at facial hair can be called, "a beard"  in the presence of the OTB (ONE TRUE BEARD).  

Did you ever expect the community to react so supportively to your FB fan page?  
Dr. Z: I never expected such a positive reaction, but it makes sense to me now.  Such a majestic beard could do no less than inspire awe, adoration, fear, and trembling among thousands!

If you could ask K.G.'s beard ONE question - what would it be?
Dr. Z: Do you love me? 


 

10Qs with (Beard Team USA) Captain, Phil Olsen

It was about 120 days ago when we first told y’all about the first ever Beard Team USA National Beard and Moustache Championships to be held on Saturday, June 5, 2010, in Bend, Oregon (Get all the Nationals info)… well, it is organized by, like every major bearding themed event in the US, the US Captain at World Beard and Moustache Championships, the father of American competitive bearding overall, and the headlining photo we used for our original story, Mr. Phil Olsen (aka @tahophil).

Phil’s the founder and self-appointed captain of Beard Team USA. His first WBMC was in Ystad, Sweden, in 1999. Noticing that the event was dominated by the Germans who invented the game and that United States was underrepresented, he dedicated himself to making the USA a powerhouse in international facial hair competitions. In 2003, he organized the worlds held in Carson City, Nevada.

Build-a-Beard co-founder El Beardo had the pleasure to meet and mingle with the captain at the recent Magnificent Specimens exhibit by Dave Mead; where they chewed the fat about World Championships, German tears, Jack Passion, the legality of hair spray in competitive bearding, and the potential of El Beardo’s Corporate Beard. Capt. Phil is not a man of many words (though we did spot him with 4 beers at one time at the exhibit… read: our kind of man), and chooses his words carefully (it’s the lawyer background)… but as scores of beard enthusiasts across from the world before us, we heeded his every word… and so should you.

#1) Oh Captain my Captain you are like Moses for the beardos of America (he who brought bearding to us all)… And how did it all begin?! (Hopefully no burning beard sights in the middle of a desert)

I wandered into the World Beard and Moustache Championships in Sweden in 1999.  Wow!  What an event!  But America was underrepresented.  And not enough people knew about it.  Since then my mission has been to make the WBMC into the world class event it ought to be, with everyone included.

#2) So the Germans have occupied the sport pretty heavily until you came along… do they resent you, or do they welcome the competition (and their loses) with open arms?

Most of the Germans welcome the competition and all of them welcome the camaraderie.  They also point out that they did better that us in Alaska when you consider the ratio of trophies to contestants.

#3) We understand that there are still some inconsistencies in the definitions and categories for the World Beard & Mustache Championships… who is the governing board, and have you been able to debate with and convince them in anything, given your lawyer background?

There is no governing body that everyone recognized.  The host defines the categories.  I have tried hard to address issues with the categories but without much success despite my lawyer background.  I am hoping the simplified, inclusive categories at the Nationals will be an improvement.

#4) Well enough about the krauts… let’s talk about you. Yours is a Garibaldi Beard. How long have you had it? When did you decide to start grooming it, or was it never ‘natural’?

For years my beard came and went with the season.  I was bearded in the winter and naked in the summer.  But since I discovered the WBMC in 1999 I haven't shaved and have barely trimmed.  As my beard got longer I gradually developed a method for grooming it that did not involve trimming. Unfortunately, my beard won't get any longer.

#5) What are your top secrets/advice for beardos looking to get past the itchy first few months and get the thickness and mass akin to yours?

Do nothing.  Bearding is a great sport for couch potatoes.  I have never had itching problems, so I am not sure what to advise.  There are some kinds of moisturizers that supposedly work.

#6) The national championships are around the corner… give us your best pitch on why everyone who’s anyone in the world of bearding should be in Bend Oregon on June 5th.

It's THE event of the season.  Bend is a great place with spectacular outdoor recreation opportunities, a super hip, welcoming local population, and more breweries per capita than anywhere else in the known world.  And five beardsmen are going to go home $1000 richer.

#7) Jack Passion isn’t competing in the national’s so that to give others a chance to place atop the natty beard category… will this hamper the defense of the US title globally?

No, not at all.  Like the Pack, Jack will be back.  He's Woods, Ali, and Gretzky all in one.

#8) I can totally see Jack on the ice... No stick, he'll just slap the puck around with his beard... Anyway, can you describe the first time you met Jack and his beard, and perhaps comment on how he changed the game of competitive bearding?

I first met Jack when he came on the official BTUSA trip to Berlin for the 2005 worlds.  He took third place, but all of the other beards in his category were older than Jack himself.  The Euros were astounded that such a young person already had such a great beard.

#9) What is YOUR favorite facial hair style, you’ve surely seen your fair share of amazing chin manes, groomed follicles and elongated staches… is one better than the other?

Facial hair is about individuality.  It's hard to say one style is better than another.  Everyone has to find a style that fits his look and personality.  For me, my favorite is what I have.

#10) Finally, how did my beard look to you at Magnificent Specimens exhibit… do I stand a chance if I enter into freestyle (or any other) category at Bend?

Your beard looked GREAT, Alex. Solid, thick, excellent color.  But I doubt you will do well in Freestyle.  You don't have enough length to do anything outlandish with your beard.  I am expecting some crazy concoctions.  And in full beard others beards have much more mass.  Unfortunately there is no trophy for best potential.  So wait 'til next year BUT remember there is a $1000 prize for a contestant chosen at random.  That could be you!

Well Phil, it’s been a pleasure… I’ll see if Dave Mead agrees with your sentiment about my beard and whether I’m indeed a Magnificent Specimen… in the meantime, I WILL ENTER THE FREESTYLE CATEGORY IN BEND, as a Corporate Beard (and the Best Potential Beard)… after all, you are the perennial “also-ran” at these things, so I’ll be in good company at the bottom of the leader board!

Fantastic, Alex. See you soon!

A Night with Magnificent Specimens

There are many treasures that we've uncovered here at B-a-B throughout our tenure... but few (if any) can compete with the night that Dave Mead organized recently for his exhibit of "Magnificent Specimens." We'll get to the hairy goodness shortly, but first, a bit of background...

In 2009, Photographer Dave Mead and sponsor James Moody traveled to Anchorage, Alaska to capture portraits of the countless ‘Magnificent Specimens’ who had converged to compete in the World Beard and Mustache Championships. This summer, a large collection of Mead's beard portraits — unpublished and being seen for the first time — has gone on display throughout the retail concourse of the Chelsea Market in NYC... The celebrated images will be on display May 9th through June 30th, and are available for sale!

There, consider yourself informed... now, let's talk about the launch party on May 8th...

I guess for the naked eye (and chin) going to Chelsea Market after hours is a bit of a drag... walking in and seeing one massive beardo after another could indeed be daunting and even breed some anxiety and definitely some envy... I, however, have friends in high places... namely, (THE) Jack Passion and Beard Team USA Captain Phil Olsen... and the (hairless) man of the hour himself, Dave Mead (note: the Q&As are to follow).

I made the rounds pretty quickly at the party, mingling with local beardos, out of state facial hair aficionados, red faced devils, hot chicks, open bar and swag tables... thanks for the stache/beard comb and mirror combo, just what I wanted!

What I uncovered, in addition to the aforementioned awesome beardos and the resulting hangover, are some of the friendliest beardos and the best artistic facial hair shots I've ever seen... and trust me I've seen a TON, as you can imagine... I culled my Top-3 below. All are copies straight from Dave, excluding the bust of Jack Passion to give other's a chance.

In addition, check out my own artistic foray, which I call the 'Ghost of Beardo Past' (note the beardo in the reflection starring down the stache in focus), plus more beardos I met at the exhibit.

I highly encourage you all to come see this hairy shrine to all things hirsute... it's nearly as magical as watching Jack field questions and greeting fans while floating around a room like a giant ball of hair in the wind... almost.

B-a-B's Top-3 Magnificent Specimens (by Dave Mead)


#1) B-a-B Title: Farm-a-Beard (reality: Jordan of Wheatsville)

#2) B-a-B Title: Taxidermy Beard (reality: Fox Jerem of Kenai, Alaska)

#3) B-a-B: Ghost Beard (reality: Burke of Olympia, Washington)


B-a-B Shots from Magnificent Specimens Launch Party



10 Qs with (THE) Jack Passion

No doubt you’ve heard the name… it rolls of your tongue like the feel of a cool breeze going through your beard on a hot summer day. Jack Passion (http://jackpassion.com and @jackpassion)… say it with us… Jack, Passion… yes, the very same that has amassed two wins in the Natural Beard category at World Beard and Mustache Championships at the age of 25… yep, that author who tackled beards chin on with The Facial Hair Handbook the must have beard growers book… the very same Jack Passion that signs his emails “Love and Passion”… people like that just warm our heart…and yes, the very same with a giant orange beard.

Jack Passion is to the sport of bearding what Tiger Woods is to the sport of golf.

— Phil Olsen, Founder and Self-Appointed Captain, Beard Team USA

B-a-B edit: Written on 5/29/2009… yes, that matters.

We try to be inspiring here at B-a-B, but truth be told we like nothing else than being inspired by the bearded community as well… Clearly, Jack is in a league all his own in terms of inspiration; Jack even was one of his graduating class’ speakers at UCSC among other things… we should probably continue writing up this interview while bowing our heads, and you should probably read it as such as well.

Either way, when we heard that Jack wasn’t competing in the 2011 World Championships we raced to meet this bass playing beard oracle to get some answers and gauge what this means for competitive bearding, do German’s cry, what the end of Street Fighter II looks like and much, much more… so, enjoy!

It’s an honor to be here by the side of such a beardo… your follicle awesomeness is an example to us all… how and when did you decide to grow it out and grow it proud?

The honor is mine!  I never gave bearding much thought until I placed highly on the world stage.  Prior to that, my beard was just another in a long line of facial hairstyles that I had worn.  At some point, I had no choice but to accept my role as America's beard ambassador; the alternative would have been to shave - no thanks!  Since that time, a great deal of thought and discussion has brought me and my beard to where we are today.  My beard is my career, and I work hard.

When did the decision to participate in competitive bearding come to be? And why, how’d you even hear about Beard Team USA?

Initially, I just wanted a story to tell my grandchildren one day.  I did not know the caliber of my beard, nor did I even know a fire burned in my heart to crush other men's dreams of bearded glory. Sometimes the spirit of competition must be awakened in the soul, like the premise of any good 80s action sports movie.  I heeded the call to brush and condition my way to the top, a position from which I can hopefully lead by example that a bearded life is an authentic, honest, and honorable one.

Tell us about your first competition on the global level … did other beardos give you a hard time because some of their beards were older than you?

The first world competition I attended was in Berlin, and I "only" got third.  There was quite a bit of outrage, but since it was in German, I had no idea.  Later on, I was told that the older, German elite thought I was totally un-serious and that my pirate costume was disrespectful.  They don't have to like me, as long as they fear me.

My world standings are as follows:

2005, Berlin, 3rd place, Natural Full Beard

2007, Brighton, 1st place, Natural Full Beard

2009, Anchorage, 1st place, Natural Full Beard

We know that people love the beard… did having a few titles help to milk even more love from envious women (and scores of men)?

Yes.  ;-)

Nice, we dig… Anyway, then comes Alaska… you win that championship too… how’d you do it? What is it about your routine that you think sets you apart?

I spell out my entire regimen and all of my trade secrets in my book, The Facial Hair Handbook.  My program is pretty simple in concept, but I actually follow all of it to a tee, and I am unrelenting in my pursuit of perfection -- no detail is to be overlooked.

We will most certainly get to your hairy manuscript a bit later…Why is the natural beard the most coveted title? Did the Germans cry like little babies after your 2nd win in a row?

I don't know if there is one title more coveted than another, but Full Beard Natty is certainly the most competitive because of its size; more than half the competitors at the Anchorage contest were in my category.

I don't know if they were crying, nor do I care.  Nobody can hear their pitiful sobs over the roaring cheers of Passionate victory, anyway. Really though, everyone's a beardsman and after they warmed up to me, the Germans have always been really happy for me when I win.  And if you've ever beaten Street Fighter II as Ryu, it's like that: I'm already on to the next match; I live for the thrill of the fight.

Also, despite the sometimes (ok, often) inflammatory rhetoric, I grow and wear a beard for many reasons higher in priority than competition.  I have made some men jealous, but if there is envy or rage, it is only because I have yet to connect with these guys on a personal level.  If I have a beard and you have a beard, we have something in common of great social and moral significance; a bond that makes us real friends before we even meet.

So now you are a two time champ, and yet you chose to not compete in the upcoming National Championships… what’s the deal? Is winning THAT boring?

I've logged the forest bare, and I need to let a few bearded trees grow again so that I can obliterate and tarnish their family names for all time once again.

I've been a very prominent figure on the team, and since we're hosting it, I thought it'd just be a good move to sit it out.  When I brought this up, the event planners offered the MC gig, and that's right up my alley, so I took it.  I'm excited to relax and just have a good time with a bunch of good guys over a beautiful weekend in the Pacific Northwest, which to be fair, out-beards Brooklyn 10:1.

I really encourage everyone in beards to come to Bend.  It's super cheap to fly there, and this is not only your chance to do really well in a beard contest, but it's also shaping up to be the biggest facial hair event in history.  Guinness will be on hand to record the number of contestants and spectators.  Beard competitions are finally rising to the level of sports like World's Strongest Man and hot dog eating competitions.  Anyone can do roids and get overpaid to play with balls.  I say let's eat hot dogs, throw kegs over walls, and grow beards!

We'll start booking our trip tomorrow! In the meantime, tell us about your book… is a sequel planned? Perhaps a guide to manscaping, or a tome about sideburns? Stache excellence? Do tell… and also, who is your favorite author?

There is a lot of information on facial hair care in the world, but let's be honest:  There's still a lot of shitty beards, and a lot of guys trying to grow beards end up quitting (and I say quitting instead of shaving, because it really is quitting; as in giving up, folding, submitting, and forfeiting) because it itches or someone tells them it sucks.  I provide the motivation to go beards out, and the skill set to grow and wear facial hair to the best of your biological ability; in a practical and easy to follow format.  Facial hair is an honest and natural thing, and I take a very holistic approach to equipping you with everything you need and nothing you don't.  I know it sounds like a shameless plug, but it really will change a man's life. Plus, it makes a great gift. :)

The book has done really well, and I'm just about to release a revised second printing.  The content is almost identical, but some design things have changed, most notably the cover.

I don't really have a favorite author, but I tend to read a lot of philosophy and other non-fiction if that helps. But when you ask about a favorite author, I have to ask, were you guys trying to get me to plug garyvee

Haha, thanks for that… but not since he shaved... You’re an author and we figure you must be inspired by someone… bearded philosophers surely fit that bill. Finally… have you heard of Mane n’Tail, if so… would you recommend it or even use it?

It smells good, it's inexpensive in bulk, and it gets the job done well, but it's a age-old myth of the beard community that it's some miracle beard wash/condish.  Beard hair isn't head hair, but it sure isn't horse hair, either!  That said, if they offered me an endorsement, I'd take it.  You can do better ($$$$), but you can do muuuch worse.

Conan, B-a-B is with you!

Our favorite late night talk show host will be on 60 Minutes this Sunday talking about his transition to TBS among other things... and now there is a leaked story that positions CoCo's statement that he "wouldn't have done that" (referring to Leno giving away, then taking back, The Tonight Show).

We here at B-a-B feel that regardless of what Conan said (or will say) on this matter, we stand behind him... he is correct in saying that there are things he wouldn't do that Leno does/did, and conversely there are things that Jay doesn't do that Conan happily does with a hairy smile... like, GROW A KICKASS BEARD.

For that, among many reasons (most notably that Conan's HS Alma Mater is the same as mine,  Brookline High School FTW!)... we salute you Conan and stand with you chin to chin. GO COCO, GO!

P.S. Even if Jay was to grow a beard (and with his chin it would sure to be HUGE), we will not support him... that time has passed, and the ship has sailed... we will however report on it if it does come to be. Below is an artist's (albeit a bad one) interpretation to hold you over.

P.P.S. David Letterman... we do recall your awesome beard... when's it gonna come back? bring it back David, bring it back!

10 Qs with Scott Newitt (The Firefly Guy)

"I'm going, I'm going, where the water tastes like wine.
Well, I'm going where the water tastes like wine.
We can jump in the water, stay drunk all the time..."

-- Going Up the Country

As you likely know by now, we are huge fans of the bearded businesses, businessmen, products and technologies (would also have accepted: innovations, solutions, or initiatives)… That said, we support nearly any and all beardos and stache wearers with a story, we even stand chin to chin with some goatee wearers… but from time to time, a product comes along, that we would support with or without a bearded angle… one such amazing entity is FireFly Vodka.

First a quick story…

As far as we are concerned, it was me (El Beardo) that discovered a sweet nectar of the gods called FireFly Sweet Tea Vodka for the NYC market a few years ago... While on a road trip to Charleston SC, my wife and I stumbled across a drink called 'The Carolina Cocktail' (aka FireFly sweet tea vodka, lemonade, ice with a dash of club soda)… at the time the young company wasn’t exporting its distilled goodness across state lines… never being the ones to take no for an answer, we went to the closest liquor store in town and bought a case… which we proceeded to distribute to our friends in the NYC area… fast forward a year, and wham… FireFly was on the top of everyone’s tongue, and swishing in all of our mouths. A legend was cemented

…now to resume our programming already in progress…

It should come as no surprise then why B-a-B asked the good folks at FireFly to sponsor of the 2010 Brooklyn Beard Ball… which they graciously did, by donating a full case of Sweat Tea Vodka to be flowing through our veins that one magic night in Greenpoint… to reinforce our perspective that everything can and should be connected back to facial hair, lo an behold, the founders of the distillery are BEARDOS (one ongoing, the other intermittent).


So, when given the chance... it's needless to say I raced down from NYC back to Wadmalaw Island in South Carolina to sit down with co-founder, and a full time beardo (since 2007), Scott Newitt, for a chat about where booze and facial hair cross, and who exactly are straws made for… expectantly so, the day started and ended the same way, with a few John Daly’s.

1) Tell us the history of Firefly... we've heard rumors of Kettle One defectors, secret recipes, unique distributors and much more... what's the real story of FireFly Sweet Tea Vodka (aka nectar of the gods)?

My partner, Jim Irvin, "Sometimes Bearded" and myself, Scott Newitt, "Always Bearded" met in 2003. He is a winemaker and I was a Liquor/Wine Distributor. He hired me to represent his wines. We became friends and I showed him my still in 2003.

We started Firefly Distillery in 2005 and made our first vodka out of his muscadine wine. We introduced the world's first Sweet Tea Vodka on April 15, 2008. He and I own the company and will not sell out to the big guys. We love what we do.

Loving what they do... Co-founders Scott and Jim, with production manager Jay

2) Does FireFly use American tea for the infusion? We know there is only one tea plantation in the US (surprisingly), if you do use them (or if you've just had their tea) how's the quality... can we take India and china on?

We started off using only American Tea but as we grew we had to source outside the US. We still use tea from the Charleston Tea Plantation and are the only liquor company to get there tea. It is fantastic tea and indeed the only tea plantation in North America.

3) How did the other flavors come around? How can we get on the focus group list...?

I looked at flavors that were working for companies like Snapple. Their top 2 flavors are Peach and Raspberry and so are ours. WE will start checking out next year’s flavors in October. Come on down.

4) What is the best way to drink FireFly sweet tea vodka?

I like it poured over crushed ice. I then let it melt for 2 min. Then drink! That is my favorite. The most popular drink is 1/2 Firefly and 1/2 Fresh Lemonade. Lots of folks call it "The John Daily"

5) How long have you had your beard? How was the decision made?

I have had a beard off and on for the last 20 years. In 2007, I decided to keep it. My wife likes me with a beard now. Honestly, I got tired of shaving every morning.

6) Do you think this is 'The Year of the beard'? Have you been noticing more beardos around SC?

I do think it is the Year of the beard. We have many beards in SC. Seems like the 21-29 age group has the most here.

7) South Carolina recently had a beard and mustache championship regional event (held by the good folks of Holy City Beard & Moustache Society), did you go?

I did not make it... I was out of town working and promoting Firefly.

8) Who are some of the beardos that inspired you to grow yours out? mentors? idols?

I love music and old TV shows... so, Willie Nelson is an inspiration as well as Uncle Jesse from The Dukes of Hazzard.

9) What's the best way to drink a cocktail with a beard? Straws are a safe options, any other advice?

Straws are for women and unbearded folks. Beards are designed to pick up drinks and food. I suggest drinking straight from the glass.

10) What else do we need to know about you and your awesome distillery?

I love music and have played the drums since 2nd grade. We just came out with Firefly Sweet Tea Bourbon. It is most definitely a Beard drink.

Thanks for taking the time Scott, keep up the great work on the chin and in the bottle!

Thanks and come visit! Check out www.fireflyvodka.com for latest news and more info.

With the then still honorable (yet never bearded) Gov. Sanford.

Of Poets and Beards

 Earlier this week our good friend @Dissentertainer pointed us in the direction of an awesome post about poets ranked by their beard weight... and we thought, hey they wont out do us! So, here we are... and yes, while the post was great (see the compilation photo below and the link to the story) we will not stand idly by and wait for others to dictate their beardly decision to us!!

So, before you peruse their findings (which are excerpted and abridged from The Language of the Beard, originally circulated by The Torchbearer Society, London, 1913... with Commentary by Gilbert Alter-Gilbert) and can be found at the bottom of our post... take a look at our Top-3 Poetic Beardos, and of course... they are part of our community!

Judge for yourself... one of them even comes with his own poem! And speaking of Beardly poems... we found a nice batch of them: Derrick - Beard Poem,  Wallace Stevens - The Well Dressed Man With A Beard, and ghostwolf - Ballad of the Lost Beard.

1) Magnus Holmgren (aka @poetisk) -- We've known Magnus since almost the first day we went live on twitter... and have been trying to get him on B-a-B ever since. He tweets very interesting stuff, and frankly, his facial hair style is nearly unmatched... we love him so much we are willing to look past the New York Yankees hat (dude you're from Sweden, you MUST root for the Red Sox!)

2) Johnny Park (of The Oh Eeks)-- A lady friend of Johnny's got in touch with us about using the below shot... we were smitten rather immediately, but Johnny can thank our Facebook follower Rachel Commerford for this inclusion (even though your beard is rather nice), as we're not even sure that you're a follower of B-a-B... Rachel, you get a gold star.

3) Michael Sesling (aka @poeticmindset) -- We came to know Michael (who resides in my home town of Brookline MA) by way of Magnus... and his Haiku's lighten up our day from time to time. He's a great addition to the B-a-B family, but alas, this short beard will only get you as high up as #3... grow it out, grow it proud!

=========================================================================

Poets Ranked by Beard Weight

Mane 'n Tail: Fear and Loathing in MHT

I was somewhere around the office, on the east edge of Manhattan, when the fear began to take hold. I was headed to LaGuardia Airport just as I read a headline about flights to Canada being delayed or canceled because of the ash plume... I got worried for a second, I remember saying out loud "NH is not that high up north..."

Heading to Manchester for a 30 hour business romp, I jumped in a cab, got through security and to the terminal in record time... now facing more than an hour at the gate before boarding... So, as always, I was scouting beards... While there were surprisingly many there that day, for some reason, I wasn't on my game... the blame has to be the rigid environment of airports and the overarching loathing of travel that would preclude me from approaching other high strung beardos... or we can just blame Eyjafjallajokull.

That said, I did see a gent with an interesting and very neat beard style (thick but short trimmed side burns, with a twice as bushy goatee)... Finally, I get on the plane; a worn looking sucker with two propellers, with the landing gear that somehow folds in side them... Scary... Res ipsa loquitur… Let the good times roll.

Upon landing in MHT, and making a B-line to the men's room, like clockwork I came across that very beardo! Clearly, the beard gods were making me tell him about B-a-B and comment on his awesome facial hair DIY... it worked before... so we get to talking, and lo and behold Mr. JD Wilson divulges the secret to his tidy bushiness... it's a product called MANE 'n TAIL... yes, as in horse.

JD went on and on (about bees wax) and on and on (about mineral oils)... all to assure me that yes, while it's true this product was originally intended for horses, it does work wonders AND has a cult following, for HUMANS... all while we're standing in the men's room of the arrivals terminal.

And so dear B-a-B fans, I'm proud to present my bounty of beard scouting from New Hampshire... Search and ye shall find... Per their own Facebook group info:

Mane 'n Tail products were originally developed for horses. People started using the products to achieve the beautiful results they saw with their own horses manes and tails. This is where the legend of Mane n Tail products comes from, by nourishing, conditioning and fortifying the hair and scalp to aid healthier hair growth.

Wow, seriously? Yes, for real... The sages have spoken, the truth is here, the follicles will rejoice...  Bushy, itchy, medium length beards need this product, bad! You can get it here, and by clicking on the magic jar below...

 

P.S. As hairy fate would have it, I had the seat right behind JD on the loud and bumpy ride up north. He was reading the whole time with the overhead light on, it was the right time to snap a candid... which I did, twice, not yet knowing the wisdom his beard was to hold. So I guess the trick is on you JD... cheers.

    

Patrick Melcher: Beardo, Stache Champ (Skater)

Thanks to our good friend Scott Baldwin (aka @scbaldwin) for alerting us to a beardo interview deep within the pages of GQ... we know, we know, we're pretty shocked too (but it's about damn time)... upon closer review,  we here at B-a-B have found a new hero, in one Patrick Melcher.

While we've written about awesome skater beardos before (Scott Herskovitz: Proving it Doggy Style) and we've supported beardo skater art for some time (i.e. Art Bombs creations on Tumblr)... Patrick's feat is not to be outdone -- and we're not just talking about being a proud beardo in the pages of GQ). In addition to throwin it down on the street (do skaters throw down?), Patrick got 2nd place at the World Beard and Mustache Championships, yeah that's right... 2nd place! And how could he not, check out his awesome facial DIY creation below, as well as an excerpt of the GQ interview.

Check him out, he's worth it...

"GQ: How did the 'stache come about?
Melcher: My teammate Richie Jackson was the direct influence. And I grew this really neat mustache, then put it on my webpage, and this dude contacted me. "You should join our beard club." So I joined the Bristly Chaps of Los Angeles beard club, and they invited me to the world championships in Anchorage. So I went and won second place for the Imperial Mustache. It was in the L.A. Times, TMZ, and on CNN."

Melcher has Gentlemanly Qualities from 2HeadedHorse on Vimeo.

Beard Economics: Paul Krugman in the Right

Earlier today I stumbled (by way of Riss and by @weareyourfek) on a Village Voice blog post (Shots Fired: New York Times Columnists Andrew Ross Sorkin and Paul Krugman's Beef Officially Cooked) which dissects a recent (and now ongoing) beef between New York Times staffers Andrew Ross Sorkin and Paul Krugman... the topic was nationalization of our banks... *yawn* we don't dive into politics as a priority at B-a-B (that's why Riss and I get along so well), but we wanted to throw our hat into the debate.

The post goes on to describe the many and various shots fired from each camp, the supporting articles, countering experts, and a bunch of other financial and journalistic yadda yadda yadda jargon... for us though, the question is not whether Andrew mischaracterized Dr. Doom's (NYU's Nouriel Roubini) words, nor is it about what's the right move for the economy (though everyone should read: Hairy economy trend: Beards are back)... the question is simple:

BEARD, or NO BEARD

And the answer is even simpler!

GO BEARD, or GO HOME

We don't need to read articles upon articles, tap experts, talk about finance, examine global economy or even understand the Swede model for bank nationalization, to figure out at the end that Krugman is in the right (sorry for the spoiler)... Not only is he the bearded party in this spat, but he's a Nobel (another beardo FYI... though Karl Marx was too...) prize-winning economist for crying out loud!

H. Ross Perot - Adam Lisagor Is Keeping His Beard

As promised, the second installment of our interview with Adam Lisagor has posted for your bearded enjoyment....

Q: Do a lot of your friends have beards?  How does corporate culture impact your bearded decision (or not)?
Not many of my friends have beards, actually. And that may be for many reasons: their careers may preclude the option, their personal style may conflict with the ruggedness of a beard, but I think most often it's just that their sissy faces can't really support the follicular activity. Every time I have the beard conversation with a friend, it's always, "Oh, I can grow hair here and here, but it never comes in here." And all I can feel is sad for them, the way my friends felt sad for me when I was 15 and hadn't yet sprouted in my crotch or armpits.

I'm self-employed, and even if I weren't, I work in an industry that favors those who look like shit at all times (the sitting-in-front-of-a-computer industry). So I have no impetus to ditch it for the furthering of my career. I read once that as a CEO, H. Ross Perot actually forbade the wearing of beards among his male employees, which just strikes me as pure fascist bullshit and I'm glad he lost the election because I'M KEEPIN MY BEARD, H. ROSS.

Also, at 32, I've sort of settled into my level of stockiness and girth. I wouldn't like to see what my bare cheeks look like at my current BMI. This is always a consideration for any bearded man.

Q: What beard - throughout history - has inspired you?  Do you have a bearded hero?
I've always admired Stanley Kubrick's beard, because he always looked like he cared just enough to get dressed and trim his beard to avoid overgrowth, but that he had enough on his mind to keep him from caring too much. And I think our growth pattern is very similar, even on the head part of the beard, which I guess, is just called hair.

My other bearded hero is this guy, and I don't know his name. The "show me you're nuts" guy from "Kentucky Fried Movie" (1977). It's the way guys in the 70s used to wear a beard—just classy.

Q: How do you feel about the current beard trend?  Is this good for the movement? Do you feel there might be backlash?
How do I feel about the current beard trend? It's fine, I guess. If all the beards went away tomorrow, I'd feel better about having mine. It never feels good to look like everybody else out there. I get so dismayed when I go to a party, or am out in public in a major city like LA, where I live, or Portland, where I go often, and see so many dudes that look just like me. It comes down to Freud's narcissism of small differences, where the more they look like me, the more reasons I have to find to distinguish myself from them and hate them. Like, "Oh, that guy? His beard and glasses make him look so Jewy. Jew Jew Jew Jew JEWY JEW. [Note: I'm clearly Jewish, but there is no greater compliment to pay to a Jew than to tell him he doesn't look Jewish.]" Sameness breeds a lot of hatred in counterculture. No one wants that. So I'd be fine if the trend took its leave.

Q: Did you attend SXSWi?  What did you think about the amount of beards that were there?
I was there for Interactive, but honestly, I didn't notice. Again, I live in LA where beards abound, so there was nothing out of the ordinary about Austin during SXSW.

Anything you'd like to tell us/share/link to?
Today on putthison.com, the men's style show I do with my partner Jesse Thorn, Jesse did a post about facial hair options which I found pretty good. Someone wrote in to ask us about facial hair and Jesse fielded the question (since I don't really contribute to the blog, but Jesse does an amazing job), basically instructing the dude to avoid goatees at all cost, which is a solid piece of advice, for sure.

I guess I've never asked my girlfriend of seven years, Roxana, how she feels about my beard, or whether she'd prefer me clean-shaven. I know for sure that it's better to be either clean-shaven or have a longer beard because a short beard or stubble is just irritating to the face of the person with whom you're necking, so that's a consideration. But she has a good sense of style, as the editor of the men's style site Nerd Boyfriend, and I trust that she'd tell me if I looked like a doofus.

Adam's sweet beard & iJustine
 

Adam Lisagor: A Human Under His Beard

Sometimes B-a-B receives killer tips from fans who scout beards on our behalf.  We were beyond thrilled when a loyal reader introduced us to Adam Lisagor who runs (or writes at) numerous blogs, but is best known for lonelysandwich.  Adam is a resident of Los Angeles and is keeping the city legit by rocking some killer face fur.  He was gracious enough to send B-a-B some interesting facts and FAQs of him and due to the absolute awesomeness of his answers (spanning from Stanley Kubrick's beard, his thoughts on H. Ross Perot, why chin-pads suck, to Freud's narcissism of small differences), this is going to be a special two-part interview.  

One thing is for certain - Adam is serious about his beard.  Luckily, B-a-B is a firm believer that good things come to obsessive-compulsives who fixate. Adam feels that "beards are certainly in fashion, and there aren't any signs of that momentum slowing." Here's a blog post he wrote about his beard a couple years back, in response to a TIME article about their growing popularity.

Below are a few topics that B-a-B was privileged to talk to Adam about....  

Part I 

Background (via Adam)

In its current full-breaded state, my beard has been living with me since 2003. I had a girlfriend during college that was always encouraging me to grow a beard, and I'd experimented with facial hair configurations from the time I could get a patch of hair to coagulate on any spot of my face, but a beard always seemed too manly and, for lack of a better term, too dad for me. And I'm one of those adult males who was emotionally 17 for some time into his 20s, and then 23 until about the age of 30. So a beard was out of the question, at least until I was paying all of my own rent.

The Experiment, Gilligan, & Jim Jarmusch

My first experiment with facial hair was a small tuft on the point of my chin. A Maynard G. Krebs, as I've always called it, after Gilligan's beatnik character from The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. Mind you, this wasn't a chin-pad, which is, was and always will be a mortal sin in the world of facial hair. This was a small patch which signified the wearer as a member of the counterculture in the 90s, when I wore it in my first year of college. I'd been a jazzbo, and the look suited me. A huge fan of Jim Jarmusch and his prematurely gray hair, I even attempted to dye mine gray at one point but I did it wrong and it hurt my face.

Sideburns Central, Luke Perry, & Training To Go Beard

Next came sideburns. Real Luke Perry specials. Something every young man should try once, and certainly better than the other extreme, which is whitewalls, which is the anti-beard, and great if you want to look like you're most at home at a petting zoo or a Civil War museum. During and particularly after college, I smoked a lot of weed, so of course I grew pork chops. Pork chops are training ground for a full beard. And in 2001, beards weren't the rage as they are now. So I had to ease the world into my hairy face, or vice versa. The world had to ease me into my hairy face. Just look at the size of that J!

The Dude 

Anyhow, as soon as I grew out of my unemployed post-college phase and joined the working world, it was time to try a beard out. And it worked for me. In the 80s, my dad always had a beard, and he looked pretty good. As an adult, I look a lot like my dad, so I sort of think of him in the 80s whenever I see myself bearded. Now, he's done more of a van dyke (which I'm not a huge fan of unless you're The Dude) but it can look not bad on a distinguished older man. Here's me, bearded, and my dad, van dyked.

Remembering Your Face

Every so often towards the beginning of my beard tenure, I'd have to shave it off to remember what my face looked like. See this picture for what my face looks like. But I hate to shave. I hate it. Even in a hot shower, it'd bug the shit out of me, so I'd just stop shaving. And I think that's where the beard mostly came from—laziness. So in addition to signifying membership in a counterculture, it signifies laziness, which is most often part and parcel.

Avoid Enhancing Fleshiness

By now, at 32, I've gone at least 3 or 4 years without having done more than close-crop the beard, and I don't think I will shave it any time soon. My normal grooming regimen is about every two weeks, I'll pull out the Wahl and give it the once over with a #3 guard, and then a #2 and then clean up the neck area. But most important, MOST IMPORTANT, is to go gradually into a bare neck. Don't, under any circumstance, make a sharp edge at the bottom of your beard and leave that whole patch of under-jaw bare. Because it will enhance the fleshiness of your skin and make you look like a dork. In grade school, I'd always get A's on map making by feathering the borders of the land and the water. I apply this philosophy to my beard trimming and it hasn't failed me. Oh, and no chin-straps, fellas. No way, Jebediah.

The Signature Beard & Shooting Lasers

And my beard has, by this point, become my signature. My face is pretty easily maleable, and I have no problem changing my look, so I'm quite sure that many people wouldn't recognize me if I were to lose the beard. Likewise, my thick plastic frames. At some point, I'll get laser eye surgery (so I can shoot lasers from my eyes) and I'll no longer need glasses. But I'm quite sure that I'll still wear non-prescription frames because I like frames and they're sort of my trademark. To an obnoxious point, actually. I get a lot of "Oh, here's a picture of a guy that looks just like you!" and it'll just be some schlub with a beard and glasses, but an entirely dissimilar face. I'll make it clear here and now: knock that shit off, people. We are actual human beings under our beards and glasses, unique like snowflakes and unlike that analogy.

(Stay tuned for Part II....